You are not my person




My brother in law wrote a post on face book "2016 worst year ever"  I, mostly joking, commented "who died"  He replied "Carrie Fisher". O. I hadn't heard yet.  He was also referring to the slew of 80's stars who have up and died this year. George Michael, David Bowie, Gene Wilder, Prince, just to name a few.

My mother in law was slightly offended, to her 2015 was the worst year ever. 2015 is when her son died. I wholeheartedly agree with her. 2015 is when my soul mate died, there is no worse year then that. There is no comparing that to anything. Of course thats not what my brother in law intended, 2015 broke his heart too. He was just saying 2016 also sucked.

Well yes, but here I may offend people, mostly because I am a selfish selfish human being. I am not affected by Carrie Fisher's death. Or any other icon that died this year. Don't get me wrong I am a child of the 80's I grew up watching Star Wars just like you. Possibly more so because my Dad ran a movie theater my whole life. I spent all my free time hanging out there watching movies, talking movies, movies are in my blood. I had the poster from Labyrinth on my bedroom wall for probably three years. They were great actors and musicians, I know their songs, I love their movies. Carrie Fisher was a great role model of how to stand up for yourself and not be the damsel in distress. I never meet her, I never talked to her, I didn't see her everyday. I don't have funny stories to tell about her, or remember whens. She is not the father of my child (thank goodness).  I hear she died and I go "o thats too bad" and I mean it and then I continue my life. 99% of the population continued on with their lives after they heard Carrie Fisher died.  Only for her family and friends did life really stop.

When Dan died my life stopped. His parents lives stopped. Our families lives stopped. I wondered how the world could possibly go on moving when such a great soul had died. It affected every second of my life. Every single second. It still does. Carrie Fishers death really only affected one second of my life.

Some people reading this blog never meet Dan. His death did not affect you the way it does me. His death did not affect Carrie Fisher or her family at all. That's ok, they didn't know him, you didn't know him. I don't think anyone knew him the way I did. I wish you had, he was an extraordinary human being. Those who did know him I'm certain would agree with me. He didn't have any news coverage, thats ok too, he would have hated all the attention.

Some of you are reading this because you have had your own life stopping grief. I'm sorry to say I never knew that person who died for you. I'm sorry to say their death didn't make my life stop like it did yours. But I know what it's like for the world to stop just like yours did, sort of. I can imagine how Carrie Fishers family is feeling right now. How their hearts have been ripped from their chests and shredded to pieces. You may be the biggest Carrie Fisher fan in the world and you may be sadder then I over her loss, It may affect you for days, or weeks, or months. But chances are she wasn't a part of  the small world that you came home to everyday.

My small world I came home to everyday, that I felt 100% safe and secure with, that I shared my entire life with is gone. For me that is a bigger loss then the greatest of movie stars. Almost two years later and it is still as big and all consuming as it was when it first happened. Dan was my person. Chances are if your reading this you have a loss like that too. It may be Dan, it may be your spouse, or your child, or your very best friend. Chances are it's not Carrie Fisher.

P.S. No offense Carrie Fisher you are a fantastic actress, I adore you. Rest in peace.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle


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