Carry on Castle: Living with Grief

I woke up this morning with a start. I had just had a dream about my husband Dan.  In the dream Dan and I were driving from Portland to Boise. Its about an 8 hour drive which we do regularly because we have friends there. Dan was dead, but that didn't seem to matter, he's been dead for almost five years. He was dead but not dead, like in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, when they tell the story of the three brothers. One of the brothers was given a stone that could bring back the dead, so he brought back his dead love. She was there but wasn't there, a shadow of her old self, not right. That was Dan in my dream. There but not there, more like a shadow or a transparency, I could see through him. He didn't talk, not one word, he wasn't mad or anything, he just wasn't all the way there, he was a ghost. I didn't want to go on the trip to Boise, I knew I would miss my boyfriend Justin, that I've had for a year and a half. I called Justin right in

As I was waking up the other day I did what most Americans do; grabbed my phone and laid in bed to look at Facebook. I had a notification from my sister. It said “YOU SUCK DAN STULTS” and then had a link to the song called HERE  by L ukas Graham  which you can listen to HERE . But be prepared to cry. I did. It’s about missing someone and having them still here with you all at the same time. Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh it was a fantastic and horrible thing to wake up to.  Song lines in italics Everyday finds a way to make me think about you... Every day, every hour, every minute. I never stop thinking about you Dan. there is always something I want to tell you about or show you. Something you would like, something you would be livid about. I want to introduce you to new friends I've made. I want to ask your advice really bad, you always had the answers. I can't believe it's been so long... It's nearing five years, how? How have any of us possibly lived this lon