Carry on Castle: Living with Grief

Here's an old story: When I was pregnant with Baby Girl (who is currently eleven)  I went into premature labor. By the grace of God she stayed in there and was born right on time. I went home from the hospital on strict bed rest. I was allowed to get out of bed to use the rest room and that was it.  The problem with that lay in that our bedroom was upstairs and our bathroom was downstairs.  Going up and down stairs was not in the prescription of strict bed rest. While I lay in the hospital Dan with the help of his brothers came up with a plan for my return home.  In their minds it was much easier to bring a spare bed from his brothers house  over and put it in our living room then to try and get our bed down the winding narrow stairs of our old historic home.  Thus they did so and I came home to a bed in my living room which I then slept in for two months. While sleeping in this bed Dan and I commented several times on how soft and plush it was and how superior it was to our bed

Baby Girl and I were at church camp this last week.  The church camp where Dan was the director for many years. The church camp where almost all the staff know his name.  The church camp where the summer after he died I sent some of his ashes and they spread him around a tree. The first two years baby Girl and I went to camp were rough. Her anxiety was very high and I just plain wasn't all there.  I was hoping this year would be better, after all this summer has been better, well different at least. Like I said in a previous blog baby Girl is into full blown tweendom and it has been the summer of eye rolls and mommy is always wrong. Going into camp that was my biggest thought, perhaps baby Girl would give mommy a break from the eye rolls this week. I thought about Dan because I always do, but I didn't think about how we may be attacked by grief this week. The first night at dinner I sat by another adult I didn't know. Except I did know him, well Dan knew him, I had he