Carry on Castle: Living with Grief

Can you imagine the most guttural intense painful cry you've ever heard? Maybe something out of a movie where someone is being tortured?  The pain is so real it makes your shoulders tense, your eyes squint and your face grimace. You may even move your body back at the shock.  I've heard that cry before and not in a movie, and not because someone was being tortured, well not physically anyway. I have heard that cry in my own house, it has come out of  my own lips. The pain of loosing Dan is that intense. The only thing worse then hearing this sound come out my own lips is when it comes out of my 11 year old daughters. That pain is utterly indescribable. Yesterday was three years, four months, and two ish weeks since Dan died. Horribly, suddenly he was gone. Then those guttural cries came out of everyone except Baby Girl. I don't think she knew how to make them, she was in complete and utter shock. She learned pretty fast though and we spent three years with both of us scre

   Dan and I in high school I feel like I haven't written in 20 years.  Spring has come and I have actually been enjoying time outside. Add to that birthday parties and trips and it doesn't leave any time for writing.  Then the weirdest thing has been happening to me lately, I have been sleeping. Sleeping like a normal person. It is taking away serious writing time because thats when I write, thats why I started writing because I couldn't sleep. I think most of the last month I have slept a straight seven hours, haven't done that in three years, so its different. I also found that I miss my writing. I am going to have to find a way to incorporate writing time into daylight hours, what a challenge. I did something else that was 20 years later last night. I went to a party. It was a retirement party for my favorite teacher. Despite my insistence that I graduated high school like 10 years ago it was actually 20 exactly. The party in itself was awesome, it was a giant ho

Yup they actually have that apparently. That's ok I didn't know either until someone told me. May 3rd is National Widows day. What do you think of when you think of a widow? I can tell you exactly who I thought of when I heard the word widow just over three years ago.   My grandpa was a widow, my grandma died of cancer when she was in her late 60's. My other grandma is a widow, her husband died from old age when he was 90.   There are several old ladies at church who are widows, they totter around with canes and gray hair. They tell stories about their spouses who 'have passed' and know it wont be too much longer till they see them again. Then there is that one, that one tragic tragic story, you only know of one because it is so rare. Likely it is a friend of a friend of a friend, someone you can't possibly personally know, because stuff like that happens to 'those people over there.'   You've heard this widow thing can happen to young people,