Carry on Castle: Living with Grief

Two weeks after Dan died I was driving to Doughy Center for grieving children and families.  I called them a week or so earlier "My husband just died, I have a seven year old daughter, I don't know what to do" They gave me some helpful hints for the funeral and scheduled us to go to the next available support group. That's what I was driving to, it was January, it was dark.  We went early for an orientation. The director asked Baby Girl if she knew what this place was for. I answered for her, something to the effect that it was a special place where only kids who have had a mommy or daddy die get to come and play. Baby Girl was impressed with the cool toys. When the group started the adults went upstairs and the kids went downstairs. The kids played, the adults talked.  The adult room was just a carpeted room with soft lighting and 10 ish rocking chairs. The rocking chairs are genius, motion helps calm you. Much like an AA meeting the adults go around the circl

You may have noticed I haven't been blogging as much lately. You may be happy about it, yay that crazy widow finally ran out of stuff to say. Yay shes finally over her grief. Nope nope nope. Neither of those are reasons I haven't been writing. I actually have been writing. I have been doing a lot of writing. I just haven't been blogging. You see it appears there are only so many hours in the day. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I have been sleeping a lot better these days. I don't really know why that switched, one day I was just able to sleep again, mostly. I suppose some people would say its just because so much time has gone by. Maybe? Three years and five months is a long time to adjust I guess, although I don't feel adjusted, I've just been sleeping better. Sleeping however has seriously cut down on the amount of time I am awake, which cuts down on the amount of time I have to blog. 3 am was always my best blogging time. Now I'm wasting it

Let’s pretend for a minute that one of your friends just had their spouse die. You’re pretty shocked I’m sure.  You know they are grieving so you try to say something encouraging.  Such as one of these statements: You are still sooo young. Maybe she can marry the new pastor…. Said the day after my husband died. He is in a better place now. God needed another angel. It hurts me to look at you because it reminds me that he is dead He would want you to... She is happy that.... It’s God’s will. At least … You have your memories Your lucky you knew to get counseling You had a love like that. Most people never do. At least she is always in your heart you’re so strong how are you? how have you been? Life goes on You were so blessed to have him as long as you did. He's at peace. She would want you to be happy. You've got to have a positive attitude She's in a better place. He's watching over you. He's always with you. At

So here's the thing. Eyeballs make me queasy. Putting on mascara is a task because that darn stick gets way to close to my eyeball.  I cringe at just the thought of having to put eyedrops in my own eye.  On the rare occasions I've actually had to have it done I was like a child shutting my eyes tight every time it came near. My ears would start ringing. Dan would laugh at me for being so silly but then he would help me put the eyedrops in.  It's not limited to my eyeball.  Other peoples eyeballs make me queasy too. I could not stand watching Dan put his contacts in or take them out. I would cringe and grown and walk out of the room as fast as possible. He would laugh at me and try to get me to come back, wasn't gonna happen.  I didn't even like watching him put drops in his eyes, which he did like everyday because he had terrible allergies. This is why when Baby Girl needed eyedrops, which is often because she has terrible allergies just like her father. It was