what your missing




You missed a field trip today. This would have been one you would have gone on. You would have loved it.

You missed Baby girl silently crying on the bus because her feelings got hurt. 

You missed me crying with her because I can't fix hurt feelings.

You missed a parade. Baby girl jumping all around because she was so excited.

You missed "fraudulent activity" on our bank account. If you were here I probably would have just assumed it was you buying me Christmas presents. I would have been shocked that you didn't procrastinate this year. But since I'm the only one using our bank account now it couldn't have been you.

You missed laughing at me not being able to push a wheel burrow full of gravel.

You missed Thanksgiving

You missed tree decorating

You missed bedtime for the 687th time in a row

You missed the cat ripping up your moms plants

You missed us moving

You missed going up to play in the snow

You missed munchkins wedding

You missed ferret rescues

You missed bunny relocation

Your missing 4th grade and it's a doozy. I could really use your help.

Your missing me stealing your covers

Your missing double chocolate hot chocolates

Your missing dinners out

Your missing dinners in

Your missing tasteing Baby girls experement foods

Your missing people having babies

Your missing church

Your missing this mess America has gotten itself into 

Your missing funerals

Your missing your brothers (there not the same without you)

Your missing your parents (there getting old you know)

Your missing my crazy family (you know you love them anyway)

Your missing the huge size of Baby girls feet

Your missing how much baby girl has grown

Your missing Christmas lights

Your missing Santa claus

Your missing the obsession with Minecraft

Your missing work

Your missing making a difference in the world

Your missing helping people

Your missing anniversaries

Your missing my dads bad jokes

Your missing holding my hand

Your missing teddy bears

Your missing date night

Your missing Dr.s appointments

Your missing kissing me

Your missing everything

You are missing from us

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Milestones in grief

Image
                                                                Dan and I around 2011 I wrote this for a writing contest about milestones. Writing about every grief milestone would take a book and I had a word limit so I couldn't do that. I tried to do the really big ones. I have not had a particularly eventful life. When I was eight, my parents moved, but they took me with them. At ten, I had a pretty bad accident, but I came out of it fine. My husband and I met at sixteen, and at nineteen, we went against all good advice and got married. I gave birth to our daughter when I was 27.   I loved our boring, normal life. We were living our happily ever after. I was a stay at home mom, Dan was finishing up grad school. Everyone says this kind of thing at funerals, but Dan really was the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my...
Read more

PTSD is not for sissys

Image
Do you know what PTSD is? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I bet you think you do.  You might say something like "ya its what people that go off to war have" true. You might say "It's when people see really terrible things" true. A few really smart people might say "ya my friend watched her beloved husband die and now she has it" very true. If you are a mental health professional you might say "ya a child who all of a sudden has a dad who dies will have it" also true.  I was telling a friend once about how life is now without Dan and she said "wow it's almost like you have PTSD or something." No not almost, we do. But what exactly is it? Well it's complicated. I can't describe it for baby girl because I am not in her mind (unfortunately) but I can try and describe it for me. I am hesitant to do so; it's not an easy thing to talk about, But if we are going on a the point of this blog is to be therapeutic for me and h...
Read more

My therapist told me to start a blog

Image
My therapist told me to start a blog. She thinks I have something worth while to say. Something? Yes. Worth while? I guess we will find out. I mean, everyone and their dog has a blog, right? What makes me so special? At the very least, I hope it will be cathartic. Here is the short story, which I will elaborate on in future blogs. Eighteen months ago, I was 34. I had a 7 1/2 year old daughter. I was married to my high school sweetheart, and we were still madly in love with each other. It was like a fairy tale; we liked to compare ourselves to Wesley and Buttercup from The Princess Bride. We were in the process of adopting a baby. And then we weren't. And then it was gone. In a second, literally one second, he was gone. My husband Dan died, extremely suddenly and unexpectedly. All day long he was fine. We went downtown to our favorite bookstore, we ate lunch, we had dinner, we went to bed at 11. At 11:15 I called 911. At 12:01 am on January 12, 2015, Dan was pronounced dead on...
Read more