This is not a political post. This is a grief post.

I voted today. Again I say this is not a political post. This is a grief post. Our state rocks and we can vote by mail. So I did.

Now I know this is 2016 and all but I still think there are certain jobs in a marriage that are husband jobs and wife jobs. There just are. They can be anything however, but jobs that are that particular spouses. For instance Dan hated doing the laundry. Laundry was my job, I didn't mind laundry so I did it. The only time I remember Dan ever doing laundry was when I was pregnant and on bed rest. I hated cleaning the bathroom, with a passion. Dan always cleaned the bathroom, I swear I didn't clean the bathroom for 15 years. I've done it a few times since he died out of shear necessity but our bathroom is seriously neglected without him looking out for it. I paid the bills, that was my job, every month I payed the bills.

This brings me to a confession. A very big confession. A confession that I am sure will offend some people... I've never actually voted before. Dan did it for me, He would fill out the paper and I would sign my name. Sometimes I glanced at it. We got married when I was 19. I had never voted before that, I was too young. It was my idea, I trusted Dan's judgement 100% and frankly I didn't want to waste my time reading all that stuff when I knew we would vote the same anyway. I also tend to be one of those people that think my one little vote isn't going to make a difference anyway (that one probably made some people mad too. Just love me anyway) Dan, always believing he could make a difference was big on voting. So he did it for the both of us. I like to think of it as we voted together, a partnership, a marriage.

Well Dan's not here anymore. (he died in case you haven't heard) and I knew he would be furious with me if I didn't vote on such a crucial year. So when I got my ballot I looked at it. I read the stuff about each thing, I filled in the little squares with my educated opinion. I voted Dan. I did it all by myself. I was a grown up. I hated it. This is your job. Yes, i'm mad at you about it. I want you to be here. I can only imagine the things you would have to say about this election. I would have loved to hear them. I think a lot of other people would have too, because like me, they valued your opinion.

Like I said Dan and I had the same political views, I know with 100% certainty who he would not vote for. I agree with him. However, I was joking around with my friends about who I was going to vote for and one of them said "Your husband would hop out of his urn if you voted for that person" and I said "O would that work. Because I just might do it it if I can be guaranteed it would work. If it could guarantee Dan would come back from the dead to stop me, then ya, I would vote for that person." Yes I am that selfish. Besides there is this little island in Scotland that's for sale. Dan always wanted to go to Scotland.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle