dreams vs reality





I had a dream about Dan the other night. That's two dreams of him in one month. Thats a record. This dream was different though. It was a dream, but it didn't feel like a dream. It felt very real.

Dan was leaning over me talking into my ear as I slept. His voice was perfectly his, I could feel his body standing over me. I would know his body anywhere, even without seeing it.  I woke up, startled. For half a second I looked for Dan. I turned my head to where he was standing fully expecting him to be there. That took half a second, then I remembered he was gone. Dan was dead, I was alone, he's not here it's just a dream. What was he saying you ask? "Don't worry Jennifer, I got this."

UGGGGGGGG DAN. No you don't. You don't have anything, you died. Not even you can fix dying, or you would have by now. I would love to know what it is exactly that you got. Me? Baby girl? We are beyond lost without you. Unfortunately for me I don't really believe in signs or messages from dead loved ones. I wish I did. I think it might make this grief thing easier. To me it was just a dream, and a sad dream at that, It felt so real, I swear it could have been if I didn't know better. It threw me off for the rest of the day, put me in a grief fog, made me wish I could go back to sleep, back to the dream where he felt so real. Deeply deeply indescribably missing my soulmate.

Some of my friends said maybe it's God telling me everything will be alright. Maybe. I can't say it's not because God can do that sort of thing, But if it was again I would like to know how, how God is life going to be alright without Dan. Please tell me.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 26, 2016 at 9:32 PM

    We don't know life will be alright. But, we can be not alright together. Standing with you in your grief, Jenny.

    ReplyDelete

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