Family activities




We did this big family thing this weekend. It's called going to the pumpkin patch. People tend to do that with their families. Dan was a huge introvert and didn't like doing stuff with a lot of people. I am (or rather was, grief has changed that some) a huge extrovert and always think 'the more the merrier' So much so that sometimes Dan had to actually say "no don't invite people I want to spend time with just my family." The pumpkin patch was one of those things. The pumpkin patch was just the three of us and we always had a great time. 

Then, like with everything else all of a sudden he wasn't there anymore, he was gone, dead. 

Last year I said "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh family I can't go to the pumpkin patch alone I need help, you must come" and they did and we had a great time. This year I causally said "hey who wants to go to the pumpkin patch" ..........silence...........  One sister came with me and Baby girl. When we got there she said "eww mud"  and waited for us to do the corn maze by ourselves.  Most of the time you don't realize the significance of a thing until your in it. I've never actually been to a corn maze without Dan before, except last year when my family distracted me. Baby girl and I had never done a corn maze by ourselves. Baby girl was very upset that auntie wouldn't come and cried through half the maze. The whole time I was wishing Dan was there with us, he would know how to cheer her up, he really could be so silly. Then we decided to have fun anyway and we did, but always always wishing Dan were having fun with us.  Baby girl notices his absence too, even though she doesn't say anything about it.

Move on to pumpkin picking. Dan and baby girl always played this game where she would look for the biggest pumpkin she could possibly find and Dan would say "O if you want me to buy you a pumpkin that big it's going to cost you three kisses.....o that ones big it costs five kisses" Thus baby girl is used to getting a huge pumpkin. which she promptly found. which I couldn't really lift but used super mommy strength to get it in the wheel burrow.  Yet another reminder that Dan isn't here with us.

It wasn't the best day at the pumpkin patch but it got me thinking. Not everyone can do something with us all the time. All those family holiday things, going trick or treating. saying hey lets go find Christmas lights. Things  you just do with your family on the spur of the moment. Maybe not this year but some day, at some time, baby girl are I going to have to be a family by ourselves. Just the thought of it makes my heart clench and I miss Dan all the more, 

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle















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