Conversations with my niece




I baby sat my niece today. Shes in kindergarten but they didn't have school today. Shes what you would call a firecracker, always pushing the limits. Don't worry parents she was perfectly well behaved today. I'm just saying in general.

Baby girl did have school today so it was just me and my niece. We worked on our new house. She mostly played on her tablet, I moved stuff from our rented pod to our shed so we could send the pod back.  But for a little while she joined me and followed me back and forth across the yard.

"whew Aunties tired"  I say. "ya auntie you should take a break" Sweetie says "O I wish I could but I have to get this done sweetie"  Sweetie "well, if uncle Dan were here he could help you and then you could both take a break" Yes indeed IF uncle Dan were here. What I wouldn't give to be doing this moving project with Dan, and then we could take a break together, Sit on the couch with Dan while he holds my hand, watching our favorite tv show. IF.

Sweetie continues, "Auntie do you miss uncle Dan?" "Yes sweetie, Every single second (very heavy sigh) How about you, do you miss uncle Dan?"   sweetie. "hmmm sometimes, But I bet you and baby girl miss him a lot, because he was her daddy" Yes baby girl misses him a lot. "And grandma misses him a lot because he was her son" "Yes sweetie grandma misses him a whole lot"  "But if he were here, then he could live in your new house with you, then he could help you move all this stuff and you could take a break. But he died"   There she goes with that if again. IF IF IF. O sweetie IF only IF.

It was a bit refreshing to have this conversation with sweetie niece. She is very good at telling it like it is. She has asked me several times "why did uncle Dan have to die" I always tell her I don't know why. I'm certain it's not an adequate answer for a curious five year old but it's the truth at least. I can only imagine what she asks her parents about Dan dying.

Baby girl and I don't have conversations like this. She doesn't like to talk about daddy dying or being dead. She pretty much avoids it at all costs. It's interesting to hear what a small child thinks of death. Sweetie niece is very matter of fact about it, baby girl is sill in flight mode.  Sweetie nephew usually ends up smiling at you and giving you a hug, but thats what he does for everything.  We have a little friend with autism and the other day he said something about how he thought we would stop being sad by now but he can tell that were not. Recognizing emotions is big for him, that he recognized that we were still sad was profound for him.

Thanks for spending the day with me sweetie niece. Thanks for wanting to talk about your dead uncle, I like to talk about him too.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

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