My head isn't screwed on quite right.




When I was 16 or 17 (it was honestly so long ago that I don't remember how old I was)  I was in a very minor car accident. Just a little fender bender. I was stopped and somebody ran into me.  Seeing as I was so young I didn't actually own a car yet and I was driving my grandpas red pick up truck. His truck was old school and had no head rest so when that car ran into me and my friend I smacked the back of my head against the back window of the truck. The window did not break or crack or anything. there was no Dr. visit, I just rubbed my head and said ouch. It was minor.

Shortly after that I started getting headaches in the back of my head. My mother took me to the Dr. several times, I even got a fancy MRI and all that jazz. There was nothing wrong with me. My boyfriend at the time, his name was Dan. (Spoiler, I ended up marring him, also he died.) Dan had wrestled (ha there's a blog topic) pretty much his whole life so he new a thing or two about bones being out of place. He figured my neck was out of place. He found me a chiropractor and he took me to my first appointment. I' pretty sure he made the appointment for me.  That helped tremendously and with regular visits my headaches were managed. Just pop my skull back into my neck and I'm good to go.

These days I see an Osteopath (thats similar to a chiropractor but so much better). Again she pops my head back in place and I'm good to go. So what does this have to do about grief? Everything like always everything is about missing Dan. We were soul mates, Even though my headaches are very well managed I still get them from time to time. Dan knew exactly how to take care of me when I would have one. He would make me lie down and put an ice pack on the back of my head. That almost always helped. He would bring me ibuprofen. Then he would make me a bath, bath salts and bubbles and candles. He would set it all up. Then when it was ready he would come and get me. After a good soak he would wash my hair for me so I would only have to move as little as possible so as not to make my head hurt more. Then he would put me back to bed. See I told you I had it good. Not even kidding Dan did this kind of stuff for me all the time. Not because it was my birthday or he was trying to get on my good side, he just did it, just because, just because thats who he was and thats how much he loved me. Man I was spoiled.

Ok now I'm going to tell my parental figures a secret, and I'm going to preface it with 'don't freak out, I'm fine, I promise' A few weeks ago I was working on my house remodel. My sister in law came over to help me move some furniture. (I have to call people to come help me do stuff like that now, I can't just wait for my husband to get home and help me. K rant over) So we were moving a shelf and on top of the shelf were a bunch of boards I am going to make smaller shelves out of. We were only shimming it a few feet so we didn't think we needed to take anything off the shelf. Then we hit a bump. Then all those small shelves came tumbling down. Then one landed right on top of my head with a crack. They seem a lot bigger when they land on your head.

So that hurt alot. I sat on the floor for about a minute and then got back up and continued to move the shelf. My sister in law said "uh why arn't you on the floor crying?" I replied "I want to but I ain't got time for that shit" translation: Husband still dead, I made you drive all the way over here t help me. I need to move about five more things before you need to leave. Again husband won't come home and help me later so I have to do it now while I have the help. I don't have time to sit on the floor and cry as much as I want to, also if I did that I would likely cry forever and I defiantly don't have time for that.

So that made my head hurt pretty bad. I went to my lovely osteopath and she was impressed that I didn't go unconscious, I did such a number on it. (I didn't have time for that either). She adjusted my head and sent me home. I had several headaches so I went back. Again shes amazed at how messed up my head is. Again she adjusted it. Again I have had several headaches. I have another appointment on Monday.

That was a really long story to say this simple sentence: my head hurts and I wish Dan were here taking care of me right now.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

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