Hey did you know Harry Potter is a lot about grief.

Unfortunately Dan and I did not get to grow up with Harry Potter like so many kids did. We were already grown ups when Harry potter came out. It didn't stop us from reading it though. Perhaps in some ways it was better because we could see all the meaning and metaphor behind it that kids might have missed.

We did have to wait a few months for the seventh book to come out, but everything else we read back to back. Rather Dan read them and I listened. We were weird like that, the in love couple who read books together at night. We would cuddle up in our bed and I usually laid on his chest and he would read. More often then not I would fall asleep to the sound of his voice as he read. The next night I would make him back up to the part I remembered. He'd always tease me about it, tell me I had to stay awake if I wanted to know what was going on. Then he would back up anyway. We read many many books this way.

I don't remember when we went on this Harry Potter binge but it was before Baby Girl was born so 10 ish years ago. We may have read the last one while I was pregnant.  Probably once a week he would look over at me and give me a grin and say "I can't wait to read these to our kids."  When Baby Girl was about 4 he looked at me very seriously and said "I think it's time, I think she's ready, lets start reading Harry Potter" I mad this whole case about how she in fact was a little too young still and I won. He never got to read them to her. It was high on our list and he just never got to it. (that whole dying thing got in the way)

I had been trying on my own to decide when in fact she was old enough for Harry Potter. Then a couple months ago MTD (Baby Girls therapist) said "you know Harry Potter has a lot of great grief themes in it I think she could really relate to.) Baby Girl was in the room listening but pretending like she wasn't. I said "O ya thats a great idea, Dan always wanted to read her Harry Potter. It will be next on our list."

In case you have never heard of Harry Potter (do those people even exist)  It is about a young boy who's parents die when he was a baby. He grew up knowing nothing about them. longing for his parents, he finally discovers who he really is, a wizard. The grief of his parents stays with him through all seven books. Along the way many other very important people to him die and he has to deal with their deaths too. That was a very short synopsis but I'm counting on you being familiar with the story. Basically grief is EVERYWHERE.

We finished the book series we were on and I excitedly got out Harry Potter. "Baby Girl I am so excited to read this book to you, it is one of the best books ever, daddy couldn't wait till you were big enough for him to read this to you."  I start on the first sentence ... number 4 Privit drive... I may or may not have been wiggling with excitement.  Then a sweet little voice says "mommy this is boring can we read something else?" I've only read one sentence "Baby Girl you are going to love this book, Daddy and I love this book, it is so good trust me."  I start to read again "Mommy can we please read something else, this book is dumb." I haven't even finished the first sentence. Hedging my bets I say. "Baby Girl give it a chance, you will love it. Lets just read the first chapter and if you don't like it we can pick something else." I begin to read the first sentence over again. The tenseness in her voice rises and she is near screaming. "MOMMY I DON"T WANT TO READ THAT BOOK. It is poppy and stupid and I don't like it. Read something else." well my brain has finally caught on, has yours? But this is high stakes, this is Harry Potter, this is going to show her that other kids grieve too. I am not giving up on this. "No Baby Girl, this is the book were reading, if you don't want to hear it we can go to bed without a book tonight." FINE! lets go to bed without a book." she rolls towards the wall and starts to cry. We went to bed without a book.

Have you caught on yet? The next night I just opened the book and started reading. I didn't tell her what book it was. I didn't tell her how much daddy and I loved it. I didn't tell her how much daddy really wanted to read it to her. I just read. We got through the first chapter and she was hooked. I don't talk with her about the grief themes in the book. For one she doesn't want to. For two, she doesn't need me too, she sees them loud and clear, I'm certain most nine year olds don't. Baby Girl is special, like in the second book where everyone thinks the carriages are pulled by magic but really they are pulled by skeleton horses that only harry and a couple other kids can see. Only people who have seen death can see those horses. Baby Girl can certainly see them.

We are a little more then half way through the first book. We are going to watch the movies as we finish each book. I was hesitant to do so because the upper ones can be pretty scary, what with all the death. Then I realized it's ok to let her watch Cedric and Sirius die. They were important, great people, and they died in a flash. She can relate to that.

We just finished the part about the mirror of Erisad. It is a magic mirror that when a person looks into they see the deepest desire of their heart. Dumbledore said the most content person in the world would look in it and only see themselves.  I used to think that was me. It was me in the before. I was so content, yes maybe a few more kids would be in the mirror, but I was content with Dan and Baby Girl. Harry looked in the mirror and he saw his parents, that is his deepest desire for his parents to be alive. When we finished the chapter I couldn't resist and I asked Baby Girl what she would see if she looked in the mirror. She paused and thought about it and then said her favorite animal. I wonder what she was thinking while she was thinking. I wonder if she will ever let herself say the real answer. She didn't ask me the question back. I'm pretty certain she already knew what I would say.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle