The Cat who went outside.

I have always had cats, my whole life. Anyone who has had cats can tell you they do whatever they please. My cats have always done what they pleased. Dan only kinda sorta had a cat when he was a kid. I say kinda sorta cause I'm not sure who the cat officially belonged to. If it was their cat or a neighbor cat that came around all the time. I know it lived outside because Dan's dad was allergic to cats. Her name was Big Momma. Dan had fond memories f that cat.

When we first got married I wanted my cat that I had since I was a child to come live in our apartment with us (it stayed with my parents when I went to college). Dan didn't really want her too. Which was odd for Dan because Dan is an animal rescue person. However I prevailed and with the following 'rules' made by Dan she came to live with us. Rule 1: she is not allowed to sit on the couch or a lap unless there is a towel down to collect all the fur. Rule 2: she is not allowed under any circumstances to sleep on our bed.   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! See Dan didn't have enough experiences with cats to know the do whatever they please. It only took half of the first night for him to learn. That cat whined outside our bedroom door so loudly and so obnoxiously that Dan couldn't take it anymore and he let her in. She slept on our bed every single night after. Dan became very fond of that cat and when she finally died Dan got a tattoo of her.

The summer after Dan died Baby Girl got what I call our consolation kitty. As in "sorry you dad died here have this kitty as a consolation prize" You can read more about her here consolation kitty if you want. Baby Girl was unaware that cats do whatever they please, consolation kitty was too young to know that cats did whatever they pleased.

Every cat I have ever owned (and it's quite a few) have been indoor/outdoor cats. They come and go as they please, their cats. With consolation kitty this weird thing happened. Immediately upon getting her Baby girl bonded with her immensely, as a result? side effect? Baby Girl also put a lot of her anxiety and grief on consolation kitty. It seemed to work, animal therapy is a thing.  If Baby Girl was scared she said the cat was scared, if Baby Girl was sad she said the cat was sad. The cat carried the emotions for Baby Girl because she couldn't carry them herself.

This boiled down to one extreme rule: Kitty was not allowed to go outside. That's it. the end. Baby Girls reasoning was very logical for someone overcome with anxiety because their daddy just died six months earlier. She was positive if kitty went outside she would die. That's it, the only conclusion, outdoor cat equals dead cat. Something would happen to it, it would get hit by a car, or eaten by another animal, or lost and never seen again. Baby Girl could tell you 100 bad things that could happen if the cat where to go outside. So we have an indoor cat. So when someone opens the door to go through it you can heare Baby Girl yell franticly from whatever room shes in "shut the door shut the door kitty will get out" Even if kitty was on the other side of the house.

Unlogical sense aka anxiety. I got it, I saw her point, I understood. If your daddy can die in the middle of the night while your asleep in your bed of course the cat is going to die if it goes outside where things can hurt it. So we had a indoor kitty, closing the door before I was entirely through it was obnoxious but other then that it was fine.

Kitty has been an indoor kitty for two years now. She has gone outside in situations where she's being held, or in her stroller (yes we have a cat stroller, helps Baby Girl keep her safe), or on a leash. Thats it.

Last week the most amazing thing happened, I almost called her therapist to tell him I was so amazed (I settled on an email). Baby Girl and I where sitting around watching tv when out of no where she says "Momma, if kitty had a tag and a collar, that would keep her safe and she could go outside. If she had a tag then if something happened people could bring her back home" "Yes thats true" I said cautiously. "I'm going to make her one right now so she can go outside" And baby Girl proceeded to make a tag with kittys name and address on it. She then covered the tg with tape (laminating it) and put it on kitty's collar with a safety pin. Then Baby Girl opened the door and let the cat outside. Then Baby Girl got on the bus to school and said "bye momma keep an eye on kitty please" and just left the cat outside. Baby Girl came home from school and causually asked how kitty liked being outside. Kitty has been outside for several hours every day this week.

This is HUGE. This is something to tell a therapist about, this is significant. Even my therapist was impressed. Do you see it? Baby Girl isn't afraid, at least not today, at least not this week. This week she isn't letting her anxiety win. This week she isn't letting the fact that she knows loved ones can die in a second stop her from having freedom. This week she isn't terrified. This week she let the cat outside and let go of her anxiety. This week, it might come back next week, it likely will, but this week anxiety is losing and the kitty gets to go outside.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle