The unfairness of tweendom


Did I ever tell you I have a tween daughter.  Fun times, I tell you what, fun times.  In case you don't know (specifically my dad who has actually asked me this before) A tween is a small child between the ages of 9-12. Not a teen yet but they think they are and they act like it. One of their main characteristics is thinking their parents are complete imbeciles.  I have one of those, Baby Girl thinks her parents are complete imbeciles, well just her mother, her father got out of this stage by dying, truly not fair.

We were at Grandma and Grandpas for dinner the other night and my child was explaining to her grandmother how I simply did not know anything at all and you know she has practically raised herself and how has grandma possibly put up with me all these years because I am an idiot. Ok I might be embellishing a little, ya nope nope I'm not.

Grandma and I were greatly amused.  Baby Girl was not impressed by our amusement and said something to the effect of 'you know nothing John snow' to which I said "I would love to here you say that to your dad" That was it, thats all it takes, ya Baby Girl, go tell your dad you think he's stupid, I would love to hear what he says about that.

One of the smartest people I've ever meet he would no doubt have a witty comeback for her, several in fact, but I don't know what they would be. We talked about her becoming a tween and a teenager and how it was going to be awful, but we really didn't get beyond that, it was hard to imagine how this small child who loved you so much would be utterly disgraced by you in just a few short years. I have come to find out sometimes all I need to do is breathe.

In truth I never got overly worried about it. I'm gonna let you in on a secret, I was a tween/teenager to my mom. Oh boy was I ever. However even through my teen years I got along great with my dad. I just kinda assumed it would be the same way with Baby Girl, she would spend a few years hating me and I would just say "you know what, go have your dad deal with you" and he would. He would even throw in a "Baby Girl you be nice to your mother"  Eventually she would get over it and love us both equally again. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?

Dan died when Baby Girl was seven. He was still her hero, he still knew everything, he was the greatest. He never got to the point where she thought she was smarter then him (well maybe a little), where she rolled her eyes at disgust instead of humor.

Like all things Dan is missing this stage. Like all things I have to do it alone, which I definitely never planned on.  I have to deal with every eye roll and every "not fair" Like all things Baby Girl has to do it without her daddy. She doesn't get to say "Daaaaaaaaadddddd Mom is being so unfair, can you go talk to her?" She doesn't get to go hang out with him when I'm driving her nuts and vise versa. There is defiantly no "don't tell mom" in this house when they sneak off to do something fun and perhaps not mom approved.

This is one of the things we are missing from our house. We just don't have that luxury, a luxury you don't realize is one until it's gone. Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you say "go ask your dad to help you" "go have your dad fix it" "go see if dad knows where it is" although we would never use that one in our house, everyone knows Dan cant find anything, he can't even find the milk when it's the first thing in the fridge.

It's one of those things people on the outside don't really consider when they think about us grieving. It doesn't end in 6 months or a year. Every new stage brings up every new thing, every new possible way of missing him. He's not here to get the eye rolls, I get them all yay me. It's not fair, to any of us.


To read my book about my grief click here Carry on castle

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