John Smith, Daddy, and a red balloon


We were at a party for a friend the other day, Baby Girl, John Smith, and myself. (Side note yes I am still dating John Smith things are going very well, I'll catch you up later.)  At the party were a bunch of helium balloons.  John Smith and I were talking about the balloons, they reminded him of Winnie the Pooh. He was extremely sweet as he pulled a red balloon off the bunch and tied it to my wrist. Somehow we ended up walking out of the party with that red balloon in Baby Girl's hand. Go figure.

Out the front doors and into a big open parking lot Baby Girl hung tight to her balloon. It was abnormally warm for a November night in Oregon. Baby Girl started running around the parking lot, red balloon following closely behind. She would run, stop for a minute, look up into the beautiful starry sky like she was inspecting it for something, and then run to a new spot. Jumping, skipping, running in circles with her red balloon.

I laughed at her as John Smith and I held hands. "What are you doing Baby Girl" I called, "Looking for a good spot" She said as she looked up inspecting the sky again. "A good spot for what? Are you gonna send the balloon to daddy?" She didn't answer but started running again and I knew, I knew that is exactly what she was doing. "Hey can I come too?" I called as I started to run after her. John Smith hung back in the shadows, he could tell this was a special daddy moment.

When I caught up to Baby Girl she had found the perfect spot, the spot with the least amount of trees. She was holding the balloon up as high as she could and jumping with it. Willing it to lift her off the ground, just like Winnie the Pooh or Mary Poppins. I could see it in her eyes she wanted to float up with the balloon to see daddy. I grabbed her from behind and started tickling her. In fun I said "no no no you can't go see daddy, you have to stay here with mommy" She was laughing too, it was a fun moment, not a sad moment, she knew the balloon wouldn't really take her to daddy but she still wanted to try, she was using the great imagination her daddy gave her.

She grabbed the balloon in her hands and looked at it "Do you want me to find a marker so we can write a message to daddy" I asked her "No I'll just give him a kiss" SMACK she gave the balloon a giant kiss. I was standing across from her so I grabbed the balloon in my hands. SMACK I gave the balloon a giant kiss. Baby Girl let go of the string, we were sending our kisses to daddy.

I started to cry, out of no where, a lot. Suddenly John Smith was standing beside me. "We sent kisses to daddy." I said through my tears. "It was beautiful" John Smith said. "Moooooooooom you distracted me and I lost track of the balloon" Baby Girl said as she looked at me and then went back to searching for the balloon.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

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