Her fathers daughter

We had spring parent teacher conferences today. Dan was always really big on going to parent teacher conferences. He wanted to be involved, he wanted to know what she was doing in school. He would always ask the teacher questions about new teaching styles and new state testing, he wanted to be up on it all. I would just shake my head and think "Come on babe she has like a million parents to see today stop bugging the poor woman" But he was generally interested in that kind of stuff. I have been to more conferences without him then with him now. One more thing I thought I would never do.

I remember one of the first conferences I had after Dan died. I don't remember if it was the first because ha, I didn't remember anything those first couple years. I remember this one because Baby Girls teacher was telling me about how great she was doing in school, but then she started talking about how better then having good grades was having good character and she started naming all the great character traits about Baby Girl. I started crying, yup right there in the middle of teacher conferences, Her teacher was describing Baby Girl exactly, but she was also exactly describing Dan. She has always been just like her daddy.

I've had more practice now and I don't tend to cry at parent teacher conferences anymore, but everyone I've been to when they tell me about how Baby Girl acts in school and how she approaches school work it is exactly like her daddy.  How she interacts with people, how she is outgoing but shy all at the same time. How she can lead when needed. Also how she has a bit of a stubborn streak. How sometimes she can give you a look that says "ya I'm just not going to do that" How she follows the rules but she has to think the rules are worthwhile.

The teacher today almost got me. She was describing how Baby Girl was so smart. Her reading and writing skills are above grade level. Ya that is definitely her dad. We talked about how she can do her homework so fast because it is so easy for her yet she never does her homework, she never turns it in. She tends to procrastinate or stall as I call it (Dan always like the phrase 'could be perceived as lazy') Dan wasn't lazy and neither is Baby Girl, they just tend to wait until the last minute to do things. Once Dan wrote a book report on his lunch break. He never got around to reading a book so he just made one up in his head and wrote a report on that. His teacher said it was one of the best book reports shes ever read.  I have seen Baby Girl five minutes before the bus comes on a Friday say "I think I'll do my homework today" she will do it in that five minutes and do a great job on it.  That is not me, that is all her dad. Lord help me when she starts writing reports on books she made up.

The teacher today talked about how because she is so smart when she has to actually try at something, when something is even the slightest bit hard, she gives up almost immediately. She says it's too hard. It's not too hard it's just that she has to actually think about it and she's not used to that.  That statement screams her dad. I think if he were here he would probably try to argue with me but he's not and I'm right anyway. I remember all through college I read every single book from cover to cover so I could understand it. Dan skimmed some of them, maybe. I would spend days and days working on a paper. Dan would just whip a paper out an hour before class and still get a better grade on it then me.

After Conferences we went to her appointment with MTD (magic therapy dude) I was telling him all about what we discussed in conferences. He agreed that that sounds exactly like Baby Girl. He also confirmed that it is common for kids who are smart like her to get very frustrated when they actually have to think about things or work a little bit to get things. He also thought it sounded a lot like daddy.


It's days like this. She is so much like him. What I wouldn't give to have him hear all this about her. He would try to argue that she gets the stubbornness from me. He might be right about that but I wouldn't let him know it. I wish he were here to see what a amazing little person she has become. I would roll my eyes that she doesn't do her homework and he would roll his eyes and say something like "don't worry about it she will be fine"  I miss him. When she walks down the aisle at high school graduation with the last paper she needs to turn in to graduate in her hand I will likely cry. I wouldn't put it past her though it is exactly what her father did.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle