The house where love lives.





Our first home together was an apartment.  The first place we lived as Man and Wife. Newlywed bliss seeped through the walls of that home. The sun shone through the windows so brightly.  Hope was everywhere. Young love, so cute it was sickening. We made that tiny space a beautiful home. Barely old enough to be married, our whole lives were just beginning in that home. Love bloomed in that home.

Then our home was a run down trailer in a run down trailer park.  That home was a pit. We hated living there, we loved being together. We turned the pit into a home, we spent lots of time studding in that home, writing papers, preparing for our careers. The walls were so thin the heat never stayed in, it was ok though, it meant more cuddling together.  Love survived in that home

We moved out of the pit and into a real apartment.  It felt huge in comparison. Great times with friends abounded in that home. We laughed and laughed at each other in that home. We both graduated from college in that home. Love flourished in that home.

Our next home was a transition home.  A room in the garage at Dan's parents. Dan's old room. We had just moved home from college and hadn't found a permanent home yet. It was small but it was home, we made it ours. We spent lots of time with family in that home. Love was old and familiar in that home.

12 years ago we lived in a small 'cottage' on church land. We worked hard in that home. We saved and saved in that home. We went on the trip of a lifetime while living in that home. We found out I was pregnant in that home. Love was content in that home.

We bought our first home. Two stories, a house home, in the city. That home was full of misadventures. Leaky faucets and flooded basements. Love grew from two to three in that home. Baby Girl was born in that home. She learned to walk and talk in that home. Love had us wrapped around her little finger in that home.

Four years ago our home was brown with red trim. Daddy, Mommy Baby Girl.  It was full of giggles and laughter and unimaginable goofiness. We played in tree houses and on rope swings. We had hopes of growing more love in that home. Love had so much fun in that home.

Three years ago it was the same house but the home had changed.  The home was now full of unimaginable sorrow. The mommy and the Baby Girl screamed and raged in pain. It hurt so bad in that home. The sorrow tried to drag them down, they might have let it if not for the love. Love was there beside all the sorrow in that home.

We went back to our safe home, to Dan's parents home. That home was full of sorrow too, but beside that sorrow was also love.  We rested in that home, we found some strength in that home. Love enveloped us in that home.

Our new home is new.  It feels for a man it never knew, a home that has his presence but is missing his presence all at the same time. We are learning how to live again in this home. We are making a home in this home. Love has found it's place in this home.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

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