Mourning doves





I'm having a garage sale this weekend.  Last time I had a garage sale we were doing a fundraiser for our adoption. We did six fundraiser garage sales over the course of two summers. They were massive, it was a huge undertaking.  I'm good at that sort of thing, putting event type things together, organizing, We were adopting a baby, Dan and I, were, we never finished the adoption, Dan died instead. No more husband, no more baby. Just me and our Baby Girl.

Since Dan has died I've gotten rid of a lot of things, our things, his things, sentimental things, junk things.  I took them all to goodwill. People told me I should sell them, have a giant garage sale, make some money, and I refused, "I can't sell Dan's things, I just can't" making them disappear is one thing, but watching as people pick them over and try to bargain with you, I just couldn't do it. It hurt too much. So it just all went away, I don't know how much,  a lot.  Then we moved into our new house and I went through a whole new round of getting rid of stuff, I took it all to goodwill, I'm not selling Dan's stuff. This time I counted, seven car loads of stuff to goodwill. No garage sales, no bargaining, just make it go away.

Technically this isn't my garage sale, it's Baby Girls. It was all her idea. She decided she was ready to get rid of all her "little girl" things (after all she's a tween now). She decided what goes in it, she gets all the money. Fine with me. However it still needs some adult supervision so I'm sitting outside watching the garage sale. It's a lot slower than the other ones I've had before. There's spurts when nobody's here and I have time to blog.

It's quite, I live in a nice quite neighborhood. There are lots of mourning doves around here.  I've never noticed them anywhere else I've lived but I notice them here. The little kids think they are owls, they sound like pigeons, but they're mourning doves. Some people might say thats a sign, I don't believe in signs. It wasn't all that many years ago that I figured out they were called mourning doves and not morning doves. What are they mourning, I wonder? Why were they named mourning doves? A simple google check would tell me I'm sure but eh. Sometimes it's better just to ponder. I hear them almost everyday, I hear them right now as I am watching the garage sale. Are they mourning Dan too? It wouldn't surprise me if animals mourned Dan. I remember when Jeff Irwin died and the news reported that the animals have lost their greatest friend. I think the same could be said for Dan? I think the same could be said for humanity as well, we lost one of our greatest friends when Dan died. Do they know that I'm mourning Dan? That I'm still mourning babies I never had? Are they here to keep me company as I mourn?  Would that be considered a sign?

I like them here. They fit this place, quite, peaceful, mourning.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle

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