Soul Mates





I was talking to one of my best friends the other day. She called to check on me, she does that a lot and I love her for it.  Anyway she has been married for I think four years now (sorry if I'm wrong guys, my memory ain't what it used to be). Her husband is wonderful and awesome and there the type of couple that are so disgustingly cute you want to gag. Dan and I may have been like that a little. Anyway she said, "Can I ask you a question....did you expect marriage to be this happy?" Uh what I ask "I just don't think we expected to be this happy. My parents weren't like this. But I know you and Dan were disgustingly happy, is that what you expected or where you surprised." Huh? Of course I expected to be happy, why would I marry someone who I wouldn't be happy with.

I see what shes trying to say. A lot of people have problems with their spouse, they fight a lot, or don't communicate, or any number of things. At least thats what I've heard. I see many couples and think geez why did you guys even marry each other, or dude I would have never married him. I guess there happy in there own way but it is not how I wanted to do it. I knew Dan and I were made for each other, I knew I would be exceptionally happy with him. I think I knew that before we even started dating. We were soul mates. I guess you can marry someone who's not your soul mate but I don't know why you would.

I talk a lot about Dan and I being soul mates but I never really talk about what that looked like. For one it's hard to explain, it's just something in your heart, that you know you are connected in some mysterious way. I felt connected to Dan from the second I meet him. Even if I didn't admit it. Dan always always said about me "It wasn't love at first sight but sometime between the first time I saw her and the very next breathe I took that I fell in love"  I remember the very first time I saw him, at church camp of all places (yes we are that couple, high school sweethearts that meet at church camp). I'll right about it sometime.

In a more practical everyday way  we were  soulmates. We did as much as we possibly could together because we wanted to be with each other. In 2006 we went on a lifetime dream trip to the holy land. We both love history and it was totally amazing and incredible and everything you might think it would be. When we got back home he asked me what my favorite part about the trip was and I said "for three weeks the only time we were ever apart was when one of us was in the bathroom." We got to spend every minute together, no jobs, no school, no commitments, no errands, just us. That was the best part of that trip. "Ya that was my favorite part too" he said.

After 15 years my favorite thing to do was still to hold his hand.  We got away for the weekend for our 15 year anniversary (the last one we had together). We had a fantastic time. Again my favorite part is that we didn't leave each others side the whole weekend.

He was a true romantic, always writing me poems and bringing me flowers. He thought I was magic, I still don't know why. I couldn't wait for him to get home from work everyday. I always felt 100% safe and secure when he was around. I don't think I even realized how much until he was gone and I don't feel that way anymore. I know the difference now and it's awful.

We did really well at splitting up chores and things. We never fought, we never yelled at each other. That just wasn't our way. When we would disagree it would always end if some sort of laughter. We had mostly the same opinions about world views and child rearing. I think one of the most important things about our relationship is that we were in it together. It was always the two of us against whatever may come. Until death took him away.

So I told my friend who was surprised at her happy marriage, "Be happy, be disgustingly happy for as long as you possibly can. Who cares if it's not what you thought, it's better. Go be happy. Go be soul mates."

I wrote a book about my grief, You can read it here: Carry on Castle

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