Do you think about Death?

I had a Dr.s appointment the other day. I started seeing this Dr. almost exactly a year ago at the recommendation of my therapist. It had been a year since my husband tragically died right in front of me. My therapist is awesome and didn't say anything stupid like I should be feeling better now or I should be moving on. But she did say I could use some extra help. I was barely sleeping. So I went to this Dr. and she gave me anti-depressants. They help a lot.

I remember filling out the intake papers and thinking these were not made for me. There was no spot for widow, I had to write it in. It asked if I was in a committed relationship, I checked yes and then I wrote in "but he's dead." What is the reason for your visit? uh my husband died. What brought on this problem? well, my husband died. How long have you had this problem? Ever since my husband died. I'm pretty sure every other question was answered with some form of "my husband died" Then it asked. Do you think about death? Well ya MY HUSBAND DIED. */

Turns out my Dr. is amazing and awesome just like my therapist. She said she had never meet Dan but she knew who he was. (counselors and Dr's that prescribe mental health drugs tend to run in the same circles.) People are leary of taking anti-depressants for grief. It's not a mental illness, you can't fix grief,  Your grief is not going to magically go away with pills. This is true. But this is also true... MY HUSBAND DIED! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! That is more trauma then I have ever had in my entire life all put together and it messed my well functioning brain up. Also MY SOUL MATE IS DEAD. I miss him so badly it hurts to breathe, thats gonna make a person depressed. But I'm getting off track, to sum up this paragraph anti depressants are good, I recommend them.

I wrote a book about my grief, you can read it here: Carry on Castle