An open letter to my daughters elementary school

I remember signing her up for kindergarten, I hadn't been in an elementary school since I had gone to one. There wasn't one or two big chunky apple computers with green type
in the library anymore. They had a whole technology room with more advanced mac books then I had at home (I didn't even have a mac).  I was intimidated, I felt like I was in kindergarten myself, was I really going to send my small sweet child here everyday. I don't know these people.

"The easiest way to know what goes on at school is to join the PTA" one of the moms helping with registration told me. So I did, because I wanted to know what was going on in my daughters school. I volunteered in her classroom and went on every field trip. I knew all the codes to the copy machine and the secretary trusted me to use the laminator by myself. Quickly we both got the hang of this school thing. quickly we fell in love with our small community school.

In second grade we got the golden teacher "oh shes the best teacher in the school, you are going to love her" all the other moms said. It was high praise because that school is full of great teachers, we've already experienced two of them. In second grade that golden teacher had to really show what she was made of. In second grade the principal of the school got a call from my sister "um yes I'm Baby Girl's auntie, I don't know how to tell you this, Baby Girls daddy died last night"

Later that week a parent delivered a package to our house, a journal from her teacher, the cover decorated with bright stickers and her name, it came with her favorite drawing pencils and a note, "this is yours, you can write or draw whatever you want in it" no rules. She also had the class make her a book, an I'm sorry your dad died book, except it wasn't that, it wasn't that at all. it was full of bunny's named marshmallow and snowmen who liked to eat pizza. rainbows and horses. it was NOT full of 'I'm sorry your dad died' her teacher knew she didn't need that. her teacher knew she got enough of that already, her teacher knew she needed fun stories from her friends. While I was planning daddy's funeral she was reading about snowmen eating pizza, and that is exactly what she needed.

At her daddy's funeral she saw lots of faces she recognized, like the face of her first grade teacher,  her kindergarten teacher and the face of her principal. The other PTA moms, the PTA president.  "mommy mommy lets go say hi to my teacher" It was the only person she was excited to see there. They all came for her and me.

A week and a half later I walked Baby Girl into her classroom. Her teacher hugged us both and said she was glad to see us. "please please call me if the slightest thing upsets her, she has been having trouble leaving mommy." "She is safe here" her teacher replied "we will keep her safe" Then I was sitting outside the principals office waiting to see him. Tears streaming out of my eyes, they never stopped. Every one that walked by me hugged me. I went into the office, the school 'intervention specialist' came too. "I just want to make sure we have extra eyes on Baby Girl and we make sure shes ok" they were both adamant, "of course, we are on it, we have her, she is safe here."  And it was true, at school she felt safe. Her teacher texted me a picture of a smiling Baby Girl at lunch time "shes doing great" the text said.

Over the course of the next year, or longer, the grief of losing Dan tried to eat us alive. Baby Girl missed more day's of school then I can count, it's possible the school itself lost count. "it's ok" her teacher said. My child didn't turn in a scrape of homework, "it's ok, you don't have to worry about that right now, just do what you can" her teacher told me. Just as often as we missed school we were late for school. I would walk into the office and the secretary would write up a tardy slip without saying a word.  "I'm trying" I told her through tears, "I'm trying" "we know you are sweetie, it's ok, your fine."

The next year I was in the principals office again, with more life altering news. "the owner of our house wants to sell it and we have to move. I'm moving in with my in-laws, they don't live in district. Please please please don't make Baby Girl leave."  He looked at me utterly astonished "No were not doing that to her, this is her home, this is where she belongs, we will work something out." he knew as well as I did she could not take one more giant change and he wasn't gonna be the one to do that to her. This school was her home.

When we moved into our new house, (back in the school district) her very favorite teacher came over after school one day to see the house, meet her pets and be excited with her and for her. To tell her how much she was going to love it her new home.

When Baby Girl got on the bus for outdoor school grandma and I waved her goodbye. Grandma cried and cried because Dan was supposed to be there. The principal of the school gave her a hug, "I know" he said, and he did, cause not only did he know who my child was he knew who my childs grandma was.

This is the community our school has created. One where teachers come to birthday parties. Where they are  friends with you on facebook, because they want to know you and your family, because they care about your child, and not just when they are at school. A school where the principal asks you how your doing and you groan and say "three years tomorrow" he groans with you because he knows exactly what your talking about, he knows thats three years since your husband died. This is a school where teachers show up at funerals for their students daddy's.

My daughter is about to leave the safe loving halls of this elementary school and go to the big wide world of jr high. I have begged the principal  and teachers profusely but they won’t let her stay. They seems to even think she’s ready. Baby Girl seems to think she's ready, she's excited even. I seem to be throwing up in my mouth at the thought.  I don't want to let go again. I don't want to let go of something I know is safe and loving. I don't want to let go of something I love so dearly, I have done that way to many times in the last four years.

I don't think thats how baby Girl sees it. I don't think shes letting go at all. She's taking it all with her, all the love and support she got from the staff at her school is going with her to Jr. High. I have heard great things about our Jr. High but I am so glad she doesn't need to leave all that support behind because she is going to need it.

Thank you Carus Elementry School, I wish all my other widow friends with young children could have gone to our school, I have learned from them that you are not the norm in how you take care of your families. Carus you are the rare rare exception.



Hey I wrote a book about our grief, you can buy it  Here